Why some relationships last longer than others?
Hearing people complaining about their relationship, made me think why some marriages are successful and others fail.
People, idealize too much and forget to live the reality. They blame their partner for their own frustrations. They are more concerned in making money, or who earn more, then to spent time with each other. They forget that love can be bought and that they are in a relationship, not in a competition. Relationship is about love and mutual respect.
Quoting Antoine De Saint Exupery,
“You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed.”
We’re responsible for whom we have captivate and for keeping the love, the pleasure of being together alive. We’re responsible for making each other happy and for making it work out. And most people forget their own responsibility and blame the other part of not working out as they wanted.
It’s not easy to live with someone, to share the same space. You have to deal with a lot of things that you may not be prepared to.
You can pick up an argument over simple things. For example, she is organized and he isn’t. She or he got mad at him or her if he leaves a mess after showering or a trail of clothes around the house.
Then, there will be days that one will be in terrible mood, nothing and probably want to punch who or what is front of them. You will have to be smart to not get into a fight.
“When one does not want, two will not fight.”
It’s something, my husband and I use to say. It’s translated from our mother tongue, Portuguese. “Quando um não quer, dois não brigam.”
You have to work together, to support and help each other because life will give you a new challenge every day, and most of the time; you can’t just put it aside saying “I will deal with it tomorrow.”
Believe me, if you face all challenges together, not only will make it easier but will also strengthen the bonds between you.
Knowing each other
It is very important to know what you and your partner expect and are looking for in a relationship. To know what your dreams and desires are.
Respect the differences
You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says or does. We have different opinions about a lot of things, and it’s normal. Feel free to agree or disagree, but respect and accept the differences.
One of the big problems in a relationship is communication. People don’t talk to each other. If asked, they will assure you that they talk, and talk a lot, but they don’t.
Communication is not only talk about your day at work, or about what is going on in the world, or about the new dress or shoe you have bought. You should be able to talk about your feelings, your frustrations and your needs and why not about your fantasies. You should be able to discuss if something is bothering you in this relationship without being afraid.
Until today we don’t have the power o reading minds, we need to talk to express ourselves. If you don’t tell how you feel your partner will never know. He or she can have an idea of how you feel, but will never know the depth of it.
Be a good listener
Understand what your partner is saying .Don’t interrupt when he or she is talking to you. Listen to what he or she is saying without spending time thinking about how you will respond, or which advice you will give. Sometimes we just need a warm ear.
Don’t be ashamed or feel inferior in admitting that you were wrong. We all make mistakes. After all we’re not perfect.
There is no magical formula, but doing simple things will help. It is very important never forget what brought you together at first place. What made you decided to be together. What made you say that he or she was the one. Be nice at each other. Cherish each moment you are together. Appreciate and express your admiration for each other. Say how much you love him or her every day. Make him or her feel very special.
©Marcia Weber Martins