Are you capable of forgiveness? Could you forgive who had hurt you, especially if it was someone you trusted, believed and most of all loved?
To answer this question you have to understand what forgiveness means.
According to the dictionary forgiveness is: the act of forgiving, the disposition or willingness to forgive.
For me forgiveness is the decision to put aside the resentment, the anger and stop blaming who had wronged you.
When someone hurts you, you might feel angry, sad or even asked yourself what have you done to deserve it. You want to punish, to hurt back whom had wronged you.
Remember, forgiveness is not excusing or pardoning who had wronged you. It is not denying the other person’s responsibility for hurting you. And most of all it is not reconciliation. The act of forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to reconcile with the person.
It is up to you to forgive or not, but if decide to, it has to come from your heart, without waiting for an apology.
Why should you forgive who had wronged you?
First, it is not going to do you any good to keep the grudges, the resentment. In fact, it is more stressful to keep the hard feelings than let them go. These negative emotions create a state of chronic anxiety. Studies have found that if you don’t forgive it increase the risk of heart attack, increase the risk of depression, increase cholesterol levels and blood pressure and decreased the quality of sleep. As you can see, in the end you might be the one who will pay dearly.
In my opinion, it is possible to forgive, to stop blaming, or wanting revenge, but you are not going to forget. After all, forgiveness is not pretending that it never happened. You were hurt and humiliate and all this leaves emotional scars.
But if you don’t let it go, you’re not going to move on. You’re going to be attached to your past, letting this negative energy surround you and keeping you from happiness.
Before you are ready to forgive, allow yourself to feel the pain, to be sad and to be angry. Let it take its course.
Then you can look at it dispassionately and finally let it go of grudges.
Letting it go you’re going to find peace of mind and will be free to start again.
You don’t have the power to change what had happened to you, but you can decide what you are going to do with your present, with future.
©Marcia Weber Martins